Imagine a world where animals could be on football teams. What would the best lineup look like? What animals would succeed at what positions? Here are the animals I would select for my fantasy football team.
Starting off in the offense, the animal football team will be led by starting quarterback, the kangaroo. Kangaroos are known for their jumping ability, but they are also able to reach speeds around 40 miles per hour, which makes them the perfect, modern QB.
Behind the kangaroo, we have the fastest mammal in the western hemisphere, the pronghorn. While some would argue that the cheetah would be the better pick, the pronghorn can hit speeds of 60 miles per hour for much longer durations than the cheetah, making the pronghorn the more reliable, and therefore better, running back.
At fullback, the black rhino is the ideal candidate. The black rhino is hard to take down, acting like a tank on the field which is exactly what a fullback needs to be. In addition to this power, the black rhino can reach 30 miles per hour, a little slower than some of its counterparts on the field, but perfectly fine for short gains.
In actual football, offensive linemen are often referred to as “hogs,” due to how they have to get in the mud on the field and their overall stature. So it just makes sense to make hogs the offensive line for the animal football team
Due to the short throw depth of the kangaroo, the wide receivers need to be fast and nimble to make a lot of yards after the catch. The best WR tandem to fulfill these necessities are the bald eagle at WR1 and the greyhound at WR2. The bald eagle’s flight will make it easy to coast over the opposing defense, paired with the greyhound’s speed and agility, which will dodge and weave through defenders, the WR room is ideal.
The last player on the offense is the bull moose as tight end. The bull moose can be as tall as six feet at the shoulder, and weigh up to 1500 pounds. The sheer size makes it impossible to stop it when it gets the ball, as well as giving it the ability to be a good blocking TE.
Moving to the defense, there will be many big cats, as their ambush predator instincts will lead to great pursuit angles and therefore great tackles.
For example, the defensive ends will both be bengal tigers. Not only are they our school’s mascot, but they are also the more aggressive and sleek of the various tigers, something that is incredibly important when it comes to being a DE.
Continuing on the d-line, the defensive tackle is the polar bear. The polar bear is the most aggressive and largest of the bears, making it the perfect choice for the d-line. Its arm strength and slap-style attack will make block destruction easy and sacks a common occurrence.
Heading to the linebackers, both of them are big cats, with the middle linebackers being lions and the outside linebackers being mountain lions. These cats are here because they have great pursuit angles and insane speed, which would make for a great blitz. Additionally, their ability to jump over 20 feet in the air gives them an easy way to break up passes.
Moving all the way back to the defensive backs, the cornerbacks are the falcon and the wolf. These selections are for the same reasons as the WR selections. With a little more aggression, they are better fit for the defensive play-style.
Inside, the safeties are bigger and meaner than the average safety, to match the blitzing style of this defense. The free safety is the blue heeler, known for being a herding dog. Herding cattle and keeping offensive players in the middle of the field are very similar, therefore, they will make inside contain really easy for the defense.
The strong safety is the wolverine. Wolverines are able to take down lions in the wild, so they will fit perfectly into this defensive scheme, where they have to cover big targets like the tight end, running back and fullback.
To round out the team, the punter/kicker is the giraffe. Surprisingly, giraffes have incredibly strong legs, and their leg length helps add even more power to their kicks. Plus, if a returner gets past the defense, the giraffe can use its “horns” (ossicones) to stop returners.
Overall, this team is unstoppable, assuming they have the mental ability to actually play football, and not just attack each other. No NFL team could stop this. Even if they are an all-star lineup, nothing can match the power of nature.
